I sighed, impatient, and sank back onto the sofa. My ankle was turning black and blue by now, and the sickly-sweet odor of turpentine made my head spin. Really. What the hell were you thinking, Penny? I still felt bitter, but not about that. He knew something—something about Evelyn, about Mr. Caine—something he wasn’t telling me. And I wanted desperately to know what it was.The rope laid in loose tangles at my feet. I remembered again her self-portrait. Her hair in flames, her body bare. Wrists bound. I breathed out, gazing dazedly across my snow-white canvas. I wondered. Will mine be even half what hers was? My eyes fell closed. Even half as beautiful?The Old Master. ‘Alle und keinen.’ It’s Nietzche, right? ‘I was thinking of Auden.’ Brueghel’s brush. Probably an impostor... I yawned, resting my cheek on the edge of the sofa. What was it?‘About suffering they were never wrong.’ And something... Something about Icarus. Fallen angel. Fall from grace. Fall asleep. Fall in love. Falling. " hey, July, please sit down and do not hurry."My smile was so confident and sympathetic, that she relaxed and smiled and sat down. I closed the door and sat next to her. I bent down and looked into her eyes."You may underestimate yourself, but I cannot. Do not be afraid to look stupid. Just tell me, what made you feel like you were feeling today, when you came to me, I want to listen and try to understand."She sighed. Looked at me and started. Thank you, Lord, - I thought, that I will have to try harder."I get distracted too often. As you know, my duties require constant concentration. If I am not sure, that I didn't make mistakes, I stay long hours after work to check the work of the day. That is repeating almost every evening. I don't understand, what is happening. I never was so distracted before the child's birth."There was a silence for a while."What is difference between your life then and now?"I have been visiting psychologist for three years, I knew how they ask.
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